you probably think that this should be easy for me. i mean, after all, i've given you up 3 times over, what's a 4th? surprisingly...this was the hardest. i wish i could say its easy, but whats the point of lying to myself. the opinion that truly matters is my own.

here i am, foolishly thinking about the future, making plans on how to spend time together, hoping that you would appreciate me a bit more. and hoping that you would have more courage to come clean. i was wrong. on so many levels. i guess i had a part to play too, if i wasn't so selective about what i chose to believe in.
was i really so foolishly blind for 2 months? the answer was right in front of me but i chose to ignore it. coupled with all ur words and actions. did they even count for anything? you tell me i'm the love of your life, and that i was always at the back of ur mind. seriously? seriously???
its so much easier to hurt me, since i'm not the one you choose to protect.

in the first place, i didnt expect it to start. now that it has, the ball is in ur court. even without her finding ur msges, you've made your choice. would it be any different once she saw them? ur choice would be the same, and i really would pray for you to tell me otherwise. and all i can think about now is why cant things be any different. and the only answer is this: not worth it. do not love her enough to go this extra mile for her.

if i do not bring it up, it would just be dragged on and on and you would be losing more of ur courage. i dont want to force you to admit to something that you do not wish to. i wish i could bring myself to do it, but i cant. i love you so much that it would kill me to see you disappointed in my actions. 2 months. never shed before so many tears as i have in this 2 months. pls, i'm so tired.............

i am not her, and never will be. and i hope to really find someone to love in the same way i've always loved you.